I am incredibly afraid of heights. It is not a debilitating fear like it is for some, but it does hold me back from doing certain things. Throughout my life sometimes fun-loving, adventurous Whitney will overtake petrified Whitney and push her to do scary things, but most of the time cautious, secure Whitney who likes to feel safe wins.
While visiting Rock City Gardens in Lookout Mountain, TN with my family this weekend we came upon two bridges. They know I’m afraid of heights, so it was a surprise to no one that I picked the stone bridge and they chose the swinging bridge.
Once we’d all crossed to the other side my son said, “Mom, how are you ever going to conquer your fear if you don’t face it? You’re always telling me I can do anything. You need to believe in yourself too. I’ll even do it with you if you want.” Dammit. He totally called me out! And then I was confronted with being the person who practiced what she preached or the one who took the “Do as I say, not as I do” position.
After cussing his sweet little face silently to myself, I leaned down and in a firm mommy voice told him he was right and that I would try, but I also shared what I needed from him: 1) To cross first so I could cross at my own pace, 2) To promise he wouldn’t swing the bridge, and 3) To not make fun of me for being scared and instead cheer me on.
I eventually got to the other side and even managed to pause for a white-knuckled picture as I crossed. My son ran to greet me, gave me a giant hug, and said, “You did it, Mom! Aren’t you proud of yourself?” With nervous sweat still trickling down my face, I smiled, acknowledged I felt proud as a peacock, gave him a big hug, and thanked him for pushing me to do something I would've otherwise avoided. And quietly to myself, I prayed there were no more swinging bridges ahead. 😊
A few leadership lessons learned:
1) Consider what support you need and ask for it.
Because I was terrified, I had distinct clarity about what I needed and found it much easier to ask for support because it felt necessary for my survival. Far too often, we don’t think we deserve something we need, don’t want to bother someone by asking for it, or don’t want to risk them thinking less of us because we asked (which is totally just a story we make up in our heads!)
2) Celebrate the small wins, not just the big ones.
Crossing a swinging bridge may not feel like a big deal to you, but I’m pleased that I let myself pause to quietly celebrate with my family and actually feel proud of what I’d done before moving on to the next part of the trail. What if as leaders we made a point to celebrate the small wins on the way to achieving our big goals? That doesn’t mean we pop champagne for every tiny milestone, but how differently might it feel to acknowledge our successes (or our teams') along the way instead of waiting until the work is finished to celebrate?
3) Focus on your why.
I wanted to be the mom/wife/coach who lived her values and whose words weren’t hollow. I wanted to model for my son what it looks like to push through fear and do something scary. (I am also, admittedly, competitive and wasn’t about to let my son give me grief about not doing it!) Being clear about my deeper why was helpful motivation. How might focusing on your deeper why help you do something scary?
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